Feeling Lost (and found) Do you know how many times I wrote, & wrote-off a post during my period of absence?
Plenty.The past week was like a stroke: deranged, busy, & cluttered with a few gasping-for-breath moments -I don't do well with any of those, but I elect to bridle the temptation to dive into disclosure of the details now, because that's not a subject of concern when you've fully embraced the fact that nothing is ever permanent, & have come to terms with your strengths and shortcomings equally.
I think I've come to terms with both. To be honest, that disorder which I made a note of is more intrinsic than anything else; deep-seated in me and the source of it is none but the lack of structure and focus in my days. I want too many things, and I'm trying to pursue all of them to the best of my ability without defining a measurable goal. I've become a slave to my fluctuating mood, which dictates the insensible and wise -both in less than stellar times and terms.
My lack of focus was first evident in my riding. By the end of my work-day every muscle in my body ached of weariness and yearning to soak myself in the embracing warmth of a bath; instead, I zipped on my chaps, oiled them & mounted my horse for a course of jumps. Some days were really good, others were really miserable. The days with the good jumps sent me off home flying on cloud 9, and the bad ones left a residue of withdrawal and an exhilaration inhibited by brief -but frequent- reruns of every mistake in the eyes of my mind.
After falling off of two different horses last night, I've made a decision: Jumping will no longer be an option, ..it will be an obligation, from me to me. I would leave my min-consuming-baggage at home and not take it with me to the stables, & would train every.single.freakin'.day.
Period.
You see, the past couple of weeks have been a bit like feeling lost, and then found again -and I really really have missed you all oh so much x
P.S. ^above video guaranteed to shoe-away the blues ;p
Labels: Daily, Pony Tales
$5 in my moola box | link | email this post
mobile site what is qr? |
|---|
