Karma, Where Are You? Do you believe in Karma? -- I do.
It's hard to be so sure of the "I do", but I really do feel it; even though just about everything I love is either slipping away or being let-go by my own fully-conscious decisions. Care to know more about it? well, for those of you who do - read on; and for those of you who don't, honestly, you're just gonna have to put up with it because this evening I'm feeling vicious, very vicious, and a bit broken.
To start off, the training sessions over the past couple of days were disastrous -to say the least. I.B. refused every single jump, & when it wasn't me who was riding him, he tried bucking them off.. at least 12 times -He hated it, I've never seen him like that before, he looked angry & ready to take down anyone that stood before him. I couldn't bear watch him so agitated and angry, which was when I asked everyone to back off & just let me ride him & calm him down.
The next day was like taking him back in time to the very first jumping lesson, which was difficult because at one point I.B. was waaaaaay beyond first lessons and reached a level of being SO GOOD at those jumps that left people's jaws dropped wow-ing at his abilities and more so, his potential.
Can you imagine losing all of that?Yesterday I laid out 4 really low fences, lowest at 50cm, & highest at 80cm. There were several refusals there, and several nearly-being-flown off experiences, but I tried looking at the bright side of it: he jumped more fences than those he refused. Everytime he'd complete jumping 3 in a row without stopping, I'd dish out a handful of sugar cubes to treat him.. I rrrrrrreally wanted to rebuild his jumping confidence, and I know for that I had to be really patient.
..and going back to square one?
Well, that is what's happening to me now -- I'm back to square one.
I.B. -much like his rider- doesn't like to be bossed around. I'm just very lucky to have such a smart horse and I don't mind being patient with him to teach him things without using the aid of spurs and whips ..but I think the past couple of days' experience burned a hole in his confidence before fences, even the little ones.. I don't think I wanted to admit it to myself really, & I carried on rewarding him for good jumps, and being patient with him before the bad ones. Things felt like they were slowly progressing yesterday, until a couple entered the riding arena that is. The lady on the horse & the noises her partner did on the ground cheering for her made I.B. uncomfortable on several occasions, but I decided to just hold the reins and let the two of them enjoy their good fun - but seriously, some people apparently lack manners that at times you have to spell it out to them. I.B. & I were just taking a turn when the blistering sound came from behind, it sent I.B. rearing & galloping at the speed of light.. & well, me? I had two choices: 1) Tighten the reins & legs and halt I.B. to a stop, or 2) Keep the speed and crazy attitude and only change direction.
Perhaps it was mean, but it was the kind of mean that felt good. I chose option #2, & instead of stopping I.B., I let him gallop crazily to the direction of those two until we stopped before them.. their jaws dropped, & their eyes looking like flying saucers -- "Now, can you tell my horse is spooky?" I said, and then continued "Unless you'd fancy being run over by a horse, try respecting the space and presence of other people for a change" -- I honestly don't think I would've done that under normal circumstances, but I had worked so hard to calm I.B. down on fences, and had been feeling broken inside because his progress was slow.. and, I desperately needed guidance from a trainer or someone who knows better -yet, had none. So, for two people to walk-in parading a 50cm jump with missile noise and ruin all I've been working for was the cherry on top.
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The fact that I had planned how I'd reach my jumping aspirations and timeline to go with made me retract several life-altering career decisions over the past couple of months {yes, it's that important to me, & that is how much I'm committed to reaching those aspirations} ..but now with the whole lack of proper training, and uncertainty I'm thinking maybe I'm not meant to do this now, that it may not be the right time in my life to commit to this and.. perhaps.. I ought to take that one career opportunity by grabs, regardless how difficult it may seem or how far it may be from my possessions. Could this be the universe's way of telling me what I should be doing? I dunno.
But like I said earlier, I believe in Karma; I have no doubt that some good will come out of this. In the meantime, I'll continue compensating for my training shortfalls by shopping for horse-tack, and ignore the voice deep down in my heart hissing "better tack will never make you a better rider"
Labels: Pony Tales
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