 |
 |
|||||
 |
||||||
|
|
Life Mergers & Acquisitions Three days into my work-routine post vacation, & I thought the weekend would never come. The mornings were spent catching up on what I've missed when I was away: building conceptual frameworks, outlining strategies, and researching potential future plans. The evenings at home were spent negotiating life M&A deals -for the most part. In the business world, when a company decides to acquire another or merge, a series of extensive analytical exercises take place, both from strategic and financial perspectives. The evaluation and due diligence could take many months, & people are often happy with that. It introduces a certain level of comfort that they're taking their time to make the right decision for their company on whether they should, or shouldn't invest. Marriage commitments in life are much like M&A's, except that the traditional mindset dictates that no due diligence nor analysis is to take place, and that one ought to be able to make a decision based on the 'Brand Strength' and the 'Market stock price' of the Nonetheless, convention can be slightly kinder to those who have formerly experienced failed commitments; this flexibility stems from the unmitigated fact that in Eastern and Mediterranean cultures, those individuals' probability for a second-chance is significantly lower than that of their peers. The accumulated effect of such prejudiced perception often creates an element of self-deficiency in some individuals -depending on the intensity and environment- and one begins to shift-focus from the true objective of building a life with another person to distorting the image of who they truly are, and how to get to the other side of the river & join their peers in the shortest time possible. Convention also likes to make the second-time-around people feel like it's doing them a favor by permitting an introduction in a socially acceptable context, even though one doesn't get much out of the introduction other than an approximation of physical appearance, voice, and a memory of two awkward individuals in a room full of their relatives sparing no effort in making dicey remarks and so-called jokes in an enormously miserable attempt to lighten the air. The Contradiction The organization I work for has a diverse portfolio of people from both genders of which I interact with on daily basis. We spend more time in the company of each other at work than home; in other words, I spend more time in the vicinity of my male 30-something manager than my mom, and that is simply a product of sharing an office with him, and many others. The social acceptability view says it is okay. However, all forms of reason are often relinquished for non-colleague males no matter how upright and decent their intentions may be. That is to say, it's okay for a lady to spend many hours in the vicinity of a men in the professional environment for the purpose of doing work, regardless how noble or ill their minds may be, but it is absolutely not admissible for her to be in the vicinity of a man and her family for the purpose of analyzing and discussing a potential partnership deal. Why do we find it easier to accept our girls spending time in a mixed-professional environment -especially in organizations with a diverse nationality mix- and yet, are not able to tolerate them spending time getting to know and assess a lifetime partner? The Lucky Few.. You're lucky if you're in an environment that promotes a healthy and rational way to build a lifetime deal. You are also lucky if you have fallen in love, and know who you want to spend the rest of your life with and have the opportunity to do that. And, you're daaaamn lucky if you've had a traditional arranged marriage and it worked out beautifully for you. On this side of the equation, I'm lucky to have a family open to negotiations, that is to say; despite the fact that their über Bedouin backgrounds have seeded weighty and irrational sets of beliefs; they're still able to see past the fog and look straight into the core of what constitutes all humans: Feelings & Thoughts. Comparing my future's decision-making mental framework with M&A's put my mum at loss for words , & the thought of creating a Mergers After many long conversations of reasons why time-spent assessing the compatibility of two people is in fact an investment in happiness, and a good way to hedge one's risk exposure to misery; she is now able to see with my eyes, to a certain extent. My dad, on the other hand, has always been the sharp straight to the point/cut through the crap kind of a man, so logic always scores with him, & it has from round 1 of negotiations. What Makes Compatible Partners? I'd like to think that age, intellect, and educational backgrounds rank on the very top, but the truth is: It doesn't matter. I've seen couples with educational backgrounds so far apart from one another, yet, they're able to mentally connect and remain at par with each other for a lifetime, & that is not easy. I have also come across couples with an age gap big enough to accommodate a whole generation of difference -think Demi & Ashton, Heather & Derek- who look like they were made for each other. The way I see it, the first indicator and measure of compatibility is acceptance. In other words, being with a person who does not expect you to change who you are for them -- they accept you the way you are, capitalize on the good times, & overlook -to a certain extent- the bad ones. A woman cannot wish for an enormously successful man with an established career and power if she cannot tolerate his working hours or frequent travels, & if she accepts to be part of his life, she must take him with his career baggage & not walk into the commitment with the 'He will eventually change' mindset, ..and even more importantly, never with the 'Having a child will solve all problems' idea. The same is true for the other side of the spectrum; a man cannot ask for an intelligent and educated woman and stipulate a condition that she should ship from factory on 'Silent-mode'.. Education, reading, and travel broadens the horizons of any individual, they stimulate the development of opinions, & it's a natural consequence of knowing -- how could anyone wish to live life that is so void of stimulating conversation, so monotonous, and so mind-numbing? The Different Measures of Equality We often see mothers ask their sons to sketch a mental silhouette of their ideal wives; in this part of the world, the image is uniform for the most: - Beautiful - Well-rounded with all that is relevant to home-keeping - Beautiful - Well-bread and born into a reputable family - Beautiful (again!) - Religious - Cheerful and always in a good mood - Limited social sphere - Does not frequent the marketplace yet knows how to dress better than her potential competition in the outside world. - And one more time, beautiful. The question is: How does the other party intend to offset these requirements of beauty, status, and grace? What does he have to offer that would put him at par with this? What gives him the right to tailor-make an ideal woman, if he is not an ideal man himself? Nor did he spend the time and energy to attempt to become one? For the most part, we don't have much say in our physical appearance nor what families we're born into. We do, however, have the ability to refine our physical forms and personalities by doing things like exercising, eating right, & constantly developing ourselves to become better people. It would be comforting to know that the universe has a mysterious way to guarantee that beauty & femininity are offset by masculinity, dashing looks & rock-like abs, and cheerfulness with tolerance, understanding & responsibility; that spirituality and manners constitute the core of their individual beings more than it being a show-display as a means to social acceptance. And finally, it would be really comforting to know that it's okay not to be charmingly stunning and all that, because someone out there will see past the 'shell' and recognize the beauty within, the kind of beauty that does not degenerate when our bodies do.. and that they will love us however way we are, without attempting to lift a finger for change. Labels: Life Events, Personal Philosophy $31 in my moola box | link | email this post |
|||||
 |
 |
 |
||||
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
