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Of Temper & Other Feelings There are many things I don't understand about myself, & I've already made peace with that fact, but one thing that's intriguing me the most these days is my unbelievably short temper. I mean, I've developed a tolerance level of zero, which is a horrible thing really, because I end up make no allowance for others' mistakes. I -for one- know what it's like to be on the receiving side of a temperamental person, & I don't think it's fair for anyone to have to put up with it. So, in order to be able to solve this issue, I had to assess it, and observe myself over the past week or so to find the thing(s) that trigger this feeling, and here are the findings: 1) Time is precious. Mine is very precious. I hate waiting for people to show up, if you know you won't make it till 10:30 it's fine, really. Just TELL me so I don't wait for half an hour. I could've done something else more useful than surf the net on my blackberry while waiting for you. 2) Food. When I'm hungry, I get twice as angry. Which is why I started stocking up on delicious crackers in the drawers of my work desk. 3) "No" for an answer. It's not the wisest thing, and it doesn't make sense either, & I know that I'm bound to hear it sometimes, ..I hate it nonetheless, and it often triggers either one of two reactions: a. I would do it anyway, with or without validation, or b. Bleh! 4) Smoking. My admiration for smokers is rather shaky, they not only have bad breath, but also black lips and husky laughs. Creepy. 5) Giving directions. I'm horrible at that, and I admit it. If you ask me to give you directions to a place, I need you to understand two things: a. It's extremely difficult and frustrating for me to do that, and b. You may never get there. DON'T MAKE REMARKS on my embittered and despairing sense of location, I already do that often enough on my own. Combating Temper The only time my mind disassociates itself with dismay and apprehension is when I'm around my horses doing something that requires a little more physical effort than keeping my seat on a canter. For that, I've been taking him jumping every single day, and I think he has finally developed an appetite for the obstacles. I can tell he's happy going over the jumps because when I approach them, he speeds up with eyes looking like X's (X_X), & jumps with audacity and skill, and lands on the correct diagonal (right for a right turn, left for a left turn) without my leg aid on the jump. The pony now uses his mind as he approaches the jumps, & I try to give him full and utter freedom to count his own strides without my help. At one point long ago, my groom & trainer said that this horse wouldn't help me learn jumping, and that if I really wanted to learn, I ought to get myself a master-jumper, a pony that operates on "auto pilot". My question is: Where's the challenge in that? When it comes to IB, I don't love him for his accentual and rhythmic canters (although that's part of the reason) but more so than that, I love his mind -with all it's anomalies and flaws. I love the feeling of challenge he brings about, knowing that both of us are bound to make mistakes, and both of us will learn how to correct them together, isn't this what makes the horse-person harmony? You developing a feel for your pony, and him developing a sense for your riding style? I don't care if it takes me longer to learn the techniques of jumping, this is an infinite stream of knowledge that the likes of Rodrigo Pessoa, and Meredith haven't sealed yet -- I just want to learn it the right way, & the way I see it, the right way would never be "auto pilot". It would be okay to try it sometime, but there isn't enough challenge in that to sustain my interest. IB was not bread to be a jumper & yet, he jumps better than all jumping ponies at the stable. I know for a fact that he belongs on the first percentile of a curve, that he is truly an exception in horse-ville. He wears his attitude and nonconformity like stars on an armor, & predictability is not his character's most evident streak -- He gives you the choice to love him for what he is -everything that he is- or leave him. I chose to love him, of course. He now somehow knows it, and my reward? He willingly teamed up with me. Several people have commented on our chemistry together, on the jumps, some see him as an extension of my legs, and on the flat an identical mind. Can you imagine how that makes me feel? I try to stiff my lip and compose myself firmly not to break into the scariest smile ever, but I can't. It makes me want to hug him & kiss him and somehow melt to run through his veins (okay, that's a tad bit alarming, I agree) My love for IB is the only thing that's keeping me from exploding with work-related pressure. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but what I do entails putting up with a lot of people-politics, and for an INTJ like me this can be consuming, very consuming. Horses take me for what I am, and only judge me by what I do -- I think to find that in people is so rare, most people I've met came with a preconception, an idea of some form, either of me or of other people before meeting them. Sometimes I envy the groom for his job, I mean, to spend so much time in the company of such pleasant creatures is therapeutic. When your job is taking care of something you love so much, it's no longer work, it's play -all the way. Having said that, now that we've wrapped up twofour54 & it's on the spin, I'll soon be switching industries, going from Media to something a bit more rigid, I've been contemplating the move for quite sometime, mainly because I have so much respect and admiration for the way the director of this team runs his unit.. I'm hoping to love this new industry to the point of it becoming my version of play =) All of you fashionistas have probably seen these commercials in Harper's Bazaar & the likes, but I'm soooooooo in love with these ads from Hermes & LOEWE -- the Hermes pony looks like my boy Sultan, I swear I nearly hug & kiss the screen everytime I see these ads.. see for yourself & notice the resemblance ;p     But for now, we'll stick with pink lol            Labels: Daily, Pony Tales $9 in my moola box | link | email this post |
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